December 2011
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So I went to McDonald’s before work so that I...
Me, to lady who is texting on her phone while her children play unsupervised and block the aisle: Excuse me, would you mind moving your kids so I can get through?
Idiot lady: Uh, why the fuck should they move?
Me: Because they’re blocking the aisle and people can’t get through?
Idiot lady: Well, there’s a word called excuse me, bitch.
Me, losing my temper: I did say excuse me. And that’s two words, you dumb fucking cunt. You, as a parent, are supposed to be responsible for your children. Now, get off your goddamn phone and get your ugly kids out of my way.
Idiot lady: Fuck you! Don’t fucking cuss in front of my kids!
Me: Get out of my way or I will fuck your shit up!
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“I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.”
– Woody Allen (via meadow-larks)
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Some days I wish I had a penis so that I can tell mean people to suck my dick.
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“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people...”
– Hugh Mackay (via dondante)
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me: im so lonely jesus fucking christ i wanna go out with friends i wanna do something i can't sit here anymore
friends: hey wanna hang out
me: sorry i cant
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Every conversation with my mother feels like a...
Mama: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: The only thing I really want is a subscription to National Geographic.
Mama: The nature magazine? Seryoso ka ba?
Me: Oo naman.
Mama: Anak, you're a fucking dork.
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Listen
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I love that my job can give all the already...
Totally justifiable expense, right? And here I thought the United States was in an economic crisis.
Ang gagaling nyo, mga putangina nyo.
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